An impasse on life

So it has been 7 months since I first stepped foot in the middle of the United States. It has been a struggle honestly. Though I have thought about it and I'm sure it is a mere just relocation issue or life struggle? I feel like I am stuck, not just physically but mentally as well. Like where I am going? Who am I going to be? How can I help more people? How can maximize my time? Save more money? Make money? What is going to happen in the future? Will I be happy? Will I be doing what I want to be doing? Will I be satisfied in what I am doing or where I am going? These are just the few "simple" questions that are always floating around in my mind on the daily. Whether I am here or I am some where else in the world.

Also it has been a struggle adapting to working with all women and women that have way too much time on their hands. I've never in my life had or heard of so many problems in the work place. Like what is wrong with people? If there is an issue don't you go to the person that you have the issue with? What is with all these gossip? Aren't we all adults or grown ups? Just because you have a better title than me doesn't give you the right to talk down to me like I am a slave. I am a college (prestigious) graduate and you just have your CDA... (that is still hard work to accomplish, so I am not putting down that achievement) BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO NOT TALK TO ME AS A PERSON! I love working with kids and they crack me up, sure some are better than others but it is what it is. I just can't feeling like I dread coming to work. It just makes everything more complicated in my life and I HATE IT! I don't have time for that and other person shouldn't either ... that just sounds crazy. Get the fucking chip off your shoulder and try to humble yourself because you don't see me going around flashing my collegiate accomplishments.

End of rant for now, time to change some dirty diapers and gives kids some snack~

The Oklahoma Chronicles pt. 2

So I've been (trying) to go to the gym at least 4-5 times a week and total emphasis on the word 'trying'. But there is this lady who always comes in and uses this one stationary bike. Like since I started going to the gym around the first week in March, it never fails, she always comes in around the same time and goes straight to this one stationary bike. And mind you there is a total of 3 stationary bikes and they all work perfectly fine. Often times I beat her to it and am using it when she walks in and she will just side eye me and go over to the treadmills but lately she side eyes me and then goes to the rowing machine DIRECTLY behind the stationary bike she uses and I use too. It was really creepy the other day I was in the middle of my intense pedaling session and she walks in and sees me using that bike and she goes to the rowing machine and stares at the back of my head for a solid 5 minutes before she starts to slowly row on the machine. It was so creepy and odd, and I don't think she thought I could see her because I was looking at my Ipad screen but I could see her through the TV screen mount on top of the stationary bike screen. Honestly I commend anyone who wants to get in shape and goes to the gym, and I would never never never shame anyone either but I have never seen anyone work out as slow as her. She just sits there on her cellphone and pedals s o s l o w l y.  So the next day when I went to the gym and she was there on that same stationary bike, I saw the one next to her was open so I sat down. She just started at me and then got back to pedaling. Yes I purposely did it and made sure my music was pretty loud and picked my filthiest book I have on my Kindle :) I haven't seen her since but I'm sure I'll see her again soon.


I really liked our apartment complex when we first came here and when we viewed the grounds and the 'viewing' apartment. It was one of those things where you just had that feeling that this is it and you get that instant good feeling. But over time there have been a few things I just hate and are so annoying! Like who needs to blast music from their apartments or car at 8AM? Or why are you outside screaming or speaking obnoxiously loud at 3AM? Also the parking so annoying too. There is not assigned parking which is alright but at the same time it is annoying because people who don't even live in our apartment building are taking our parking spots. Also we used to take Chloe out and let her run around in the front of the apartment but someone smokes around us and they just throw their cigarette butts on the ground and unfortunately Chloe is a curious little puppy so she will just eat it without question. I thought the management was supposed to clean the grounds but they just sweep stuff back on the grass. I'm going to write a strong letter when we leave LOL

Also update, we finally had a sighting of the pink helmet lady but sadly she had no liter of soda and changed her helmet to blue. But at least she is being safe.

Trying to get out of this mundane existence

I've been having this off and on struggle with the days bleeding together and not falling into a state of mundaneness. Some days are great and I feel like I am finally getting somewhere, but others it just feels like I am drowning and I can't get up in time to breathe.

My life is great, I have a loving man to share my life with, a great family and friends, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and clothes on my back. So I should be complaining at all. 

I just feel like everything is waiting game and honestly patience has never really been my strong suit. And it isn't the instant gratification that I am seeking, it is something more. What more? I'm not entirely sure. I feel like I am at an impasse with life. Like what am I doing? Where am I going? Am I making the right choices? Am I making the wrong ones? When will I know I am where I should be? And it is definitely not a competition either with people I know or see doing different things than I am. It has never been about that, I am happy to see everyone i grew up with doing well and people I've met along the way also doing well. I wish them all the best.

I just hate waiting for things I can't make move any faster. And totally there are tons of things I can do and I am trying to focus on those things but the ones I can't make move any faster are the ones that keep me awake at night and drive me crazy (partially because I am impatient >_<). And honestly it isn't being here in Lawton that is making me feel this way, I think it is just life itself that is making me feel this way. Lawton isn't as bad as I assumed it was going to be, yeah it isn't ideal but it isn't the worst either. Like last weekend we went to a "Rattlesnake" festival in one of the nearby towns (took a little detour since Brad missed the exit and the exits and towns aren't as close to each other as one would think) ... but the funny thing is there weren't any snakes around. Well there was this one building or shop that had a snake pit, but everything else around was just like country fair stuff. There were even rides there and funnel cake! And there is also a wildlife reservation around too which has nice scenery and we can take Chlobear up there too. Also OKC isn't too far away about 90miles or so.

So in this thing/place/time we call life I will continue to practice better patience and self-exploration and I will bring you all along for the ride ;) 

Netflix and chill?

Hahaha! I am so cheesy ;) And also need to come up with better titles for my blog posts lol. But in all honesty, I've been hooked on Netflix since coming back to the states. It has all my favorite shows and such a great variety of movies, documentaries, etc. My favorite ones are mostly crime and police procedural shows like CSI, Criminal Minds ( ALL TIME FAVORITE!), Law and Order; SVU and my newest obsessions are currently Blue Bloods and Hawaii 5-0. I am not sure why I am so drawn to these shows since I have zero aspirations of becoming a police officer or detective, but I did possibly look down the road as a criminal psychologist. Also some of my favorite documentaries I have watched in the past months were Sour Grapes (which was amazing and completely ridiculous how this guy was able to do all that he did :::trying not the spoil the whole thing:::), and it was cool to see a different world of wine and speaking of wine documentaries there are two about becoming a sommelier which were absolutely fascinating! Somm and Somm: Into the Bottle were amazing. If you guys have time you should definitely check them out. You can learn so much just from watching these documentaries and if you're into wine I highly recommend them to watch. (UPDATE* another notable documentary I've been hooked on is Galapagos, one word AMAZING! And they have a new narrator which actually pairs fairly well with the series, Tilda Swinton! Definitely a must see if you're into BBC and nature like docs.)

Since I've gotten into the realm of recommendations I want to recommend a few books to check out if you have time to do so :) Over the past few weeks I've tried to read as much as I could and I knocked out some really greats reads (for all you nonfiction readers out there reading this blog, my deepest apologies I don't have any this time around.) But I have recently read Tyed by L.J. Shen (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31138412-tyed), I have really grown to like this author the more I read her books. This was I think the second book she had written overall and it was awesome! I have never been big into MMA or any kind of fighting, well until Rhonda Rousey came along and kicked ass lol. But this book had a little bit of everything to it. Some angst, some love, some humor and it was also nice to see Blaire come out of herself and have some confidence in her life even if her family didn't, and I didn't really like her sister >_< She was just that typical better looking twin and she knew it. It did have some interesting plot twists as well as anticlimactic parts too. Overall it was a good read that I recommend to give it a go :) Also another book I have to give a shout out to is KC Lynn's An Act of Courage from her Acts of Honor series (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33597798-an-act-of-courage). I've been waiting (not) patiently for this book release! She is one of my all-time favorite authors and I can also proudly say I have read everything she has ever published because she is that GOOD! And FINALLY! Christopher and Alissa story! I've been yearning for their story since Cade and Faith's book Resisting Temptation (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25025389-resisting-temptation). Christopher hasn't ever had it easy wherever he went and Alissa comes from a family where her mother has never approved of their relationship and definitely try to hide it either. The premise is pretty typical but what makes this book stand out is all the attention to details and events these characters go through plus the twists and turns that bring it all together. I highly suggest checking out some of KC Lynn's books. She has quite a few so there is a ton to pick from too :)

Ahhhh.... I guess from my musical recommendations, I've been really digging Yellow Claw's new album and reigniting my love for Kpop, recently rekindled my love with Big Bang (one of the first Kpop groups I ever listened to!) but nothing really has piqued my interest honestly. Everything to me has started to sound generic and I can't really get into it. I love music and all kinds of music too but lately I've been sticking to my old school R&B :)

Back at it :)

Sorry for the little hiatus. Our beloved Chloe had taken it upon herself to treat herself to my charger one day for an afternoon snack. So I had to wait and ordered a new one online (via eBay because I'd rather not shell out an arm and a leg).  Finally! It came in and I can resume using my lovely laptop (which is on its own last leg too >_<). I sweat technology hates me and it is always dying on me. And it totally confuses me because I treat my electronics so well. Like my own babies, just ask Chloe she is completely spoiled in every way.

Speaking of Chloe, she has no passed the baby puppy stage and is now on to the rebellious toddler stage of being a puppy. The good news about that is that she is not starting to be better about going potty in her cage on her pee pad instead of being stubborn and going anywhere she wants. We (Brad and I) witnessed her run into her cage and do her business, and we pretty much jumped for joy cheesily. Because finally she listened and on her own went into her cage to go potty. It was epically awesome and we felt a big triumph about it too. But now on to the bad side of it, she gets very angry when things don't go her way which totally reminds me of me when I was younger. She is very spiteful in some ways like if she doesn't get any human food when we eat she will go off and pee on the floor or if we put her in her cage she will rip and tear up her pee pad.  She is very playful but very smart at the same time. Which under normal circumstances is awesome but sometimes Chloe can be a pain in the butt. It is all still an adjustment.

Another "speaking of".. We are officially been here for over a month and it isn't as bad as I originally thought it would be. There are some things that I still find incredibly weird, like people walking on highways, way too many Chargers, Camaros, and Mustangs, places are way too far from each other, the sun is like a sting gun just waiting to melt your skin off, and how deserted it is here. But there are some nice places here too, like the reservation where I saw my first buffalo and we took Chloe to last Sunday, there is a triple A team in OKC which we did go see last week as well (we lost), and the best part is I am able to get back into good health and fitness (thanks to Brad lol). So again it is still an adjustment here and 1 month down, 9 more to go but who's counting?

Oklahoma Chronicles pt.1

So I have finally got some time to share my OKC (Oklahoma Chronicles.. not Oklahoma City lol) experiences with you all!

So the first few days we were here we were driving down the street, which I might add all the roads here are pretty desolate and deserted. We were stopped at a stoplight and this lady on a bike pulls up next to us and she was wearing this neon pink helmet with a matching neon pink handle bar too. But the real kicker was she was holding a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi while riding her bicycle! I guess the good thing about this was she was being safe and wearing a helmet but ah! if you're trying to be healthy, and clearly she was by riding a bicycle, why was she drinking soda? I had posted this on my Facebook when it happened because I hadn't quite gotten my blog up yet, and I got some creative responses, like is this a Coke vs Pepsi? Courtesy of my brother.

Also another thing that kind of makes me question life here is why does everyone walk on the highway? These aren't just small side streets they are major roads with fast moving cars. Like there are cars going 80+mph and these people are just walking along the road like it is nothing. Honestly I'd be scared out of my gourd. I trust me I understand people walk, it's good for you so you should walk, I've walked all over the place but in KOREA where is it safe and common. (Though I shouldn't say it isn't common here since I haven't lived here long, it just seems odd and unsafe in my opinion.)

Another quick one tidbit is I have finally seen the craziness and unreal things that happen at Walmart. There are maybe 3 or 4 different ones here. And possibly 10 Dollar Generals here (I LOVE THE DOLLAR STORE! So I am not knocking it). But there is only one Target and one Ross and thankfully one TJ Maxx. But the people who frequent these stores are on a totally different level of life. Not just from the way they dress or their mannerisms but you can just tell they have seen some things in their lives. It is a very rural area here and totally small town too.

It is an entirely different kind of beast here in the middle of the country, midwest, south, etc., since there seems to be so many different names for this area. I've always thought it was the midwest but some or most people considered this to be the south, and this is coming from a girl who spent most of her life on the east coast. I've never known a place like this before. It isn't the worst place to live but it definitely is a switch from what I've been living in when I was in Korea and where I grew up. the adjustment process has been slow so I'm hoping it will pick up soon.

On a lighter note as I mentioned in my brief intro post we did acquire a dog and her name is Chloe and she is a pistol. She may be small but she is a nut ball. She runs around the apartment like is it a park and even tries to play catch with herself. She is the cutest. But she is also very stubborn too. Like mother like puppy? LOL I know many people who read this and know me whill openly agree to that statement. She just doesn't want to potty train! She reminds me of this student I had in Korea, his name was Michael T., (이태영) who was also very stubborn and there were often days I had to question my sanity and why the higher powers were testing me with this student, but then there were some days he was just on it and really well behaved and had a great day. That is just how Chloe is, some days I question why I am being tested and others she is just so good. Moral of the story is I guess teaching is kind of like parenting and raising a puppy you need the two of those combined.

New world, new life, new everything

It has taken me some time to figure out how to I wanted to start this blog. I've been back and forth with so many ideas. I realize that I needed to also figure out what kind of content I wanted to post too. Well for starters this isn't a lifestyle blog or a gossip blog either for that matter. It is just my random thoughts and ideas, anything I want to share with any and everyone who takes the time to read my blog. (Let me tell you now I greatly appreciate it ;) )

I recently just moved from Seoul, South Korea back to the states, and relocated to Oklahoma with my love, Brad and I will be posting all things weird and going on here too. I do have a passion for all things beauty related. So there will its fair share of shout-outs and reviews of my favorite and not so favorite products. Also, I'm also an avid reader so there will be a big mix of everything on featured on this blog. Also I just recently got a new puppy, her name is Chloe, she will most definitely be featured a few times on here!

Please bear with me, I am still doing some updating and tweaking of this blog. I'm not as tech-savvy as I once was (or maybe never was lol). Right now it's a work in progress.


A few blog posts will be posted later today so please scribe so you won't miss a thing :)